It doesn't always have to make sense at the moment...

It's amazing how God seems to prepare us for things that are about to come.

That walk I spoke of last post, brought me a lot closer to an extremely godly girl that I was able to run to when I needed someone to talk to. She knew exactaly what to say to make me feel better, and gave me a list of verses to help me further.

Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are curshed in spirit."

That verse was in my Bible study homework at the beginning of the week, and it really didn't hit me till now. I was reading through Psalms looking for something that would somehow make me feel better, and by the grace of God stumbled across Psalm 62:

"1My soul finds rest in God alone...5Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him."

Thank goodness for iTunes. I set it to shuffle through my Christian music, and it was also exactally what I needed, right when I needed it:
You are my Joy -David Crowder Band
Fill My Cup -Paul Colman
Landslide of Love -Newsboys
Remember Me -Mark Schultz
Name Above All Names -Newsboys
All I Can Do -Jump5
Camouflage -Plus One
Cloud of Witnesses -Mark Schultz
Irene -TobyMac
I Have Been There -Mark Schultz
O.O. Baby -Stacie Orrico
The Orphan -Newsboys
When You Go Home -Mark Schultz
Who You Are -Caedmon's Call

It had the right amount of upbeat songs, and songs that really give me a new perspective on the whole situation.

When I returned a call just a little while ago, I could never guess what I was about to be informed. God had been preparing me for it. He's looking out for me, and is the only one that can truely take care of me.

He may not be there when I go over to her house any more, but he's in a much better place with the Father. He has no pain and God is taking complete care of him. God took him, because it was his time, and when better than doing what he loved while with his friends.

What God decides doesn't always make sense at the time, but it's all for a reason. It's going to be rough for all that knew him, but something good will come out of the situation.

He's in a better place, but we'll miss him here.

*M.O.* See you in heaven!!

Footsteps in the right direction

It's amazing how being obedient in one little thing can completely change your mood. Call me crazy, but ever since I hit the "send" button on my SummerShine application, my days have gotten considerably better. It wasn't really an immediate weight lifted off my shoulders, but it's slowly eased its way down. As I sit by my computer waiting to hear back from either the Elks or from SummerShine, I've done a lot of thinking. Would God have put me here if He didn't have a good reason? Who am I to question what He's got planned? Why do I worry so much? Good grief I have so many questions...

Oddly enough, I can't get "You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my JOY" out of my head. It's a great song, and I kept singing it over and over again while I was in the shower today. Maybe it's God's way of showing me that I can be happy, and that I don't have to constantly question Him. I'm working on that still...

In the brief moments of beautiful weather we had at the beginning of the week, my friend and I decided to take a walk. It started out as just a way to get a little exercise without having to actually go to the gym. We ended up walking on the roads that go around the school for over an hour and a half. I learned a lot about her, and feel a lot closer to her now. As I was thinking about it, I realized God's showing Himself there too. I had been feeling like most of my good friends are at home, and then He points out that I have really great friends here too. I just love HIM!!! He can make a good day even better, and pull me out of the deepest wells of self pity. He is AMAZING!

I do still miss being home, but I'm not really dreading this weekend as much as I thought I would be. It's only 2 days away, and I haven't really considered going home. God's really given me a peace about staying on campus, which I didn't think would happen at all. I'm actually thinking that I will be able to survive the last 22 days of class. (Crazy huh? The year seems to have flown by!) I'm not really off the hook for learning till May 24th when I get back from Mexico, but the more I learn about what exactly we will be doing there, the more it becomes the beast that I will tackle when it arrives at my doorstep. I am excited about it, but it's definitely going to be different than I originally thought... Oh well, God will help me through it all! Thank goodness God can handle everything in the way that is best!

I'm finally my happy self again :)

Looking for answers, but they seem to keep changing

I have recently noticed that I second guess myself a lot. It's not just with questions on tests, I do that too, but it's more than that. School is starting to really stress me out, and I keep thinking that maybe this isn't the right place for me right now. I don't know what put that idea in my head, because I started out loving it here. It was wonderful, I loved my friends, my classes were bearable, and being here was actually fun. Recently though, I've realized how much my friends and friendships with people have changed, my classes still are tolerable, but I find myself aching to go home. It's possible that I've been home too recently, I was home three weekends in a row because of watching my siblings while my parents were in D.C. and spring break. I stayed this weekend because I had a busy day yesterday. It wasn't really a bad weekend, because a few of my friends stayed, it was just extremely boring. When I'm bored, I think, listen to music, or watch tv. All three are dangerous. I think about stuff like where my life is headed, what God wants to do with me, and what i'm doing at a small school majoring in accounting of all things. I think about how different this summer will be like since I won't be swimming, which has been part of my summers since I was 4. I don't think I realized how much I would miss it. I also think about how I don't yet know what I'm going to be doing this summer. My SummerShine application stares at me every time I turn on my computer, but for some reason I can't finish filling it out. Every time I open it up to finish, I find myself distracted, or I can't find the words that I want to say. I should have already sent it in, but I can only wonder whether it's the right choice for me this summer. When I listen to music, I almost always come across a song that reminds me of my wonderful friends at home, and it makes me want to cry, because I miss them so much. When I watch tv, I always seem to stumble across stressful wedding shows like Suprise Wedding, that make it hard to sleep (You can't fully understand why unless you've seen it). I miss my friends and my family, and I'm considering going home next weekend, even though I know that it will only make it worse. I'm so ready for summer...but then again I'm not, because it's just not going to be the same.

SB '09

Sadly, my spring break is almost over. It's a good thing I guess, because that means summer is almost here!! It's been great so far, the DCB concert was amazing, hanging out with many of my favorite people, and getting some much needed sleep have also been wonderful!

I'll start with the DCB concert. It was so much fun! I sat with several of my friends, and as soon as the concert started, we all rushed up to the stage. We were all about 5 feet from the stage, and we had a really good view (some had a good view of other things as well....Linds :]) It was really cool to get to see them in concert and sing the songs that I have so often heard on the radio.

After the concert, we headed over to a friends house and hung out. I met a few of my friends college friends, and we all played a rousing game of Catch Phrase. At about 12, his friends left and I got to spend some quality time with the people I hung out with all summer and Christmas break. We had lots to catch up on, and we did just that. I won't soon forget about cleaning egg off a car at 3 in the morning or the many things we talked about!

I've done a lot of catching up on sleep this week, which really drives my parents crazy. I just needed some sleep, because I don't get much at school. I'm going to have to start getting up early again though, because school does start back Monday morning at 9...

Oh goodness, I almost forgot! It snowed! Yeah, I'm on spring break and there is snow on the ground! I guess that's what you get for having spring break the first week in March, but it was nice because some of my friends got off school and we got to hang out! We got about 4 inches, and it's the 3rd snow I've witnessed this year. This is a little statue thing from my backyard with a snow hat:

It's been a good break so far, and I'm going to enjoy every last minute that I have left!