I will go, I will go, I will go, Lord send me...

I was going to go to bed early tonight, but seeing as a fire alarm kept my whole building outside for at least 30 minutes, I'm wide awake now...

I was quite scared about this weekend, and I probably prayed at least half way there. God does answer prayers, and He worked quickly for me this weekend! I don't know what I was so worried about. I got there and felt a little out of place at the beginning, because everyone was talking with their groups for the summer, and people kept asking me where I was going to be working. Even though I was meeting people left and right and I was in a room completely full of people, I felt alone. Someone encouraged me a little when they said that because I was there, I had a better chance of getting a spot than someone who didn't show up. That made me feel a little more confidant that I was actually there for a reason, but it didn't completely calm my nerves.

We listened to several encouraging speakers, and about 9 people started heading off to stay with the families that had given up space in their homes. I was talking to some people that I had met from State, but they left not long after the first few people went. I started talking to a girl that had flown from California to come for training, and she completely eased all my stress. She was telling me all about SummerShine and how much fun it is. I talked to her about most of the stuff I was worried about, and she explained how she got involved last year.

I was placed with a high school girl that was assigned to work at the Cherokee KOA this summer and we were assigned to stay with a really sweet couple who promised to come visit both of us. We stayed up till almost midnight talking to them and hearing the really cute story of how they met. The next morning they had breakfast all set up for us and we got a chance to talk to them some more while we were eating.

We got back to the church around 9:30 and had several more speakers before lunch. The director told a story about how a bird tried to fly in his glass door at home, but ran into it instead. He said we should make sure we fly through the doors that God opens for us, instead of those which we want to enter, because it won't work unless the door has already been opened. When lunch was ready, the director said he needed to talk to a few people and named off a few names. My name was one of them and my stomach literally flipped. Everyone was dismissed by where they were going, so that they could eat and get to know the people they were going to be working with over the summer. I was left in the room with a couple of other girls that didn't know where they were going to be either. The director's daughter came and talked to us about how we might be subs, because there were just so many girls that wanted to work and not enough places to put them. I started to panic, because I didn't know why they had called my name and figured the worst. After she was done talking, I went to go talk to her dad in the other room and he handed me an envelope. He said they had a spot open at Cherokee and wanted me to join the team there! I was quite ecstatic, because I had pretty much figured that I wasn't going to have a spot.

The weekend only got better from there! I got to meet the other people that I will be working with, and had many questions answered that have really put me to ease about this summer. I truly feel a peace about it, and can't wait for it to actually start! I'm definitely going to miss my friends and family, and probably my phone and Internet access, but I know I'm going to grow as a person and as a Christian. It's a wonderful experience, and I can't wait to make the most of it!

The title of this is from a song by Starfield that we sang at church on Sunday morning. It's been stuck in my head all day, and I absolutely love it!

Good News

I was home for Easter break Thursday through Monday. It was great to be home with my family, and good to see many of my friends. Unfortunately, I had food poisoning all day Friday, so I didn't get to see several of my friends and had to stay home.

Nothing really exciting happened while I was home. I spent a lot of time with my family, and got a lot of sleep! :) My mom did loose our Easter candy and she spent several hours looking all over the house for it, only to find it around 4 o'clock in one of her regular hiding spots in the kitchen.

On Monday, I was all packed and ready to head back to school at about 2:30, but my mom had the van so I couldn't leave. She called me at about 3 and said that she was washing the windshield and realized that I was well past the inspection date and she volunteered to take it in right then. While she was busy with that, I took her car and went to visit my dad at work. I'm ashamed to say that I probably haven't been to his office in a while, because there were many things that looked new and his office was not where I remembered it being (he told me he switched offices about a year ago! whoops). I was talking to him about several different things, and my summer plans came up. I still hadn't heard from SummerShine at the time, so he got on their website and called the contact number that was there. The woman that answered the phone said that I was on the waiting list and she would call me in the next few days when she found out whether she had a spot for me or not. My dad told me to start looking for other places to work, because he figured that I wasn't the only one on the waiting list. I prayed for knowledge and guidance as to what I should do this summer, since the job I had been eagerly anticipating seemed to be falling through.

Well, my prayers were answered when the lady that my dad talked to called me today during my Spanish class... I called her back and she said she would probably have a spot for me (if I was still interested), but she didn't know where yet because she needed to get in contact with the people that she hadn't heard a definite yes from. She told me to keep my schedule free for this weekend so that I can attend the orientation in Winston Salem. It's in God's hands now, and if it isn't the right opportunity for me, He will close the door. It will be hard if I end up not having the job, but He will help me through!

A Whirlwind Week

Boy am I glad that last week is over and done with!

I was home for a little less than 24 hours on Wednesday/Thursday and didn't see any of my family members in the flesh, but talked to them all over the phone. It was good to see many of my friends from home, but I wish it had been under different circumstances...

I got back on Thursday afternoon and really didn't feel like doing anything. I was in a daze during my classes, and very glad I didn't have tests in either one of them. I was planning on getting dinner from the Klondike then hiding in my room to collect all the thoughts that were running through my head. Little did I know, God had other plans for me! I got a text message from a friend, and he asked me if I was interested in going to the Chris Tomlin concert. He said the people he was going with won tickets on the radio (so they were free) and that they had an extra. About 10 minutes after I said I would go, we were getting in the car and headed for Charlotte. The concert was absolutely AMAZING, and I needed so badly to hear so many of the words that Chris Tomlin sang. It really pulled me out of my icky mood and showed me that I need to trust God with ALL things.

Two of my classes were cancelled on Friday, so I started reading Redeeming Love. I got it while I was in Greensboro, and little did I know that again, it was exactly what I needed. But I'm not saying anything about it, because it's one of those books that you just have to read for yourself... Thankfully I finished it yesterday, because it would have definitely distracted me from the homework that I really should be doing now... Oh well!

On Sunday, I decided to go to the church where my Uncle is the pastor. It's not too far away from school, and one of the people that I went to the Chris Tomlin concert with goes there regularly, so I figured I would give it a chance since I'd never been. I got to see my Uncle and his family, which was really nice because I hadn't seen them since Thanksgiving. It was a really good service, and (again) just the encouragement that I needed!

UNC won last night! The week keeps getting better and better!

Today was the day. A few weeks ago, we had to turn in our housing forms for next year, and decide who we wanted to live in the apartments with. The housing department notified us on Friday that we could pick out the exact apartment that we wanted today at 2:30. It turned out that my group was the first on the list, and we had any pick that we wanted from the 2 available apartment buildings. We knew exactly the one that we wanted, and because we were first, we got it!!! They are still being built, so we'll be the first to live in it!!
I signed up for classes last week, so next semester feels like it's so close!!

Thursday will hopefully be our first intramural softball game. I got coaxed into being on a coed team a few weeks ago, and our first game was supposed to be last week, but it got cancelled because of the rain. I have to stay and go home a little later than I would if we didn't have the game, but it's all right.

Oh, and this week is a short week! We get Friday and Monday off for Easter! I'm so ready to be home and see my family and friends!!

I still haven't heard anything about either summer position that I applied for, but God is teaching me patience, which I don't have a very good track record with!

It doesn't always have to make sense at the moment...

It's amazing how God seems to prepare us for things that are about to come.

That walk I spoke of last post, brought me a lot closer to an extremely godly girl that I was able to run to when I needed someone to talk to. She knew exactaly what to say to make me feel better, and gave me a list of verses to help me further.

Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are curshed in spirit."

That verse was in my Bible study homework at the beginning of the week, and it really didn't hit me till now. I was reading through Psalms looking for something that would somehow make me feel better, and by the grace of God stumbled across Psalm 62:

"1My soul finds rest in God alone...5Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him."

Thank goodness for iTunes. I set it to shuffle through my Christian music, and it was also exactally what I needed, right when I needed it:
You are my Joy -David Crowder Band
Fill My Cup -Paul Colman
Landslide of Love -Newsboys
Remember Me -Mark Schultz
Name Above All Names -Newsboys
All I Can Do -Jump5
Camouflage -Plus One
Cloud of Witnesses -Mark Schultz
Irene -TobyMac
I Have Been There -Mark Schultz
O.O. Baby -Stacie Orrico
The Orphan -Newsboys
When You Go Home -Mark Schultz
Who You Are -Caedmon's Call

It had the right amount of upbeat songs, and songs that really give me a new perspective on the whole situation.

When I returned a call just a little while ago, I could never guess what I was about to be informed. God had been preparing me for it. He's looking out for me, and is the only one that can truely take care of me.

He may not be there when I go over to her house any more, but he's in a much better place with the Father. He has no pain and God is taking complete care of him. God took him, because it was his time, and when better than doing what he loved while with his friends.

What God decides doesn't always make sense at the time, but it's all for a reason. It's going to be rough for all that knew him, but something good will come out of the situation.

He's in a better place, but we'll miss him here.

*M.O.* See you in heaven!!

Footsteps in the right direction

It's amazing how being obedient in one little thing can completely change your mood. Call me crazy, but ever since I hit the "send" button on my SummerShine application, my days have gotten considerably better. It wasn't really an immediate weight lifted off my shoulders, but it's slowly eased its way down. As I sit by my computer waiting to hear back from either the Elks or from SummerShine, I've done a lot of thinking. Would God have put me here if He didn't have a good reason? Who am I to question what He's got planned? Why do I worry so much? Good grief I have so many questions...

Oddly enough, I can't get "You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my JOY" out of my head. It's a great song, and I kept singing it over and over again while I was in the shower today. Maybe it's God's way of showing me that I can be happy, and that I don't have to constantly question Him. I'm working on that still...

In the brief moments of beautiful weather we had at the beginning of the week, my friend and I decided to take a walk. It started out as just a way to get a little exercise without having to actually go to the gym. We ended up walking on the roads that go around the school for over an hour and a half. I learned a lot about her, and feel a lot closer to her now. As I was thinking about it, I realized God's showing Himself there too. I had been feeling like most of my good friends are at home, and then He points out that I have really great friends here too. I just love HIM!!! He can make a good day even better, and pull me out of the deepest wells of self pity. He is AMAZING!

I do still miss being home, but I'm not really dreading this weekend as much as I thought I would be. It's only 2 days away, and I haven't really considered going home. God's really given me a peace about staying on campus, which I didn't think would happen at all. I'm actually thinking that I will be able to survive the last 22 days of class. (Crazy huh? The year seems to have flown by!) I'm not really off the hook for learning till May 24th when I get back from Mexico, but the more I learn about what exactly we will be doing there, the more it becomes the beast that I will tackle when it arrives at my doorstep. I am excited about it, but it's definitely going to be different than I originally thought... Oh well, God will help me through it all! Thank goodness God can handle everything in the way that is best!

I'm finally my happy self again :)

Searching

I came to college looking for a place where I could escape all the drama of high school. On my graduation day, all I could think of was how happy I was that I wouldn't have to deal with many of the people that annoyed me most. Well guess what? College has just as much drama, and at some times, more. Maybe it's because I chose to come to a small school, or maybe it's just because I did everything to avoid what little bit I could in high school. It's little things, maybe it's because we are all in close proximity on our hallway. Too many girls sharing a space can get old rather quick. I've realized that drama is always going to be a part of life, but it's the way that we deal with it that defines who we are. I constantly pray that God will help me react in a way that is pleasing to Him and glorifies His name for all to see. I'm in no way perfect, and i've frequently reacted in ways that i regret, but i'm working on it.

I've talked about it before, but I really do love my Bible study! My brother and I have always had little verbal fights back and forth. He knows exactally what to say to really make me mad, and he uses it to his advantage. I have been praying about for quite some time, and something that Beth Moore wrote into the study made me feel a lot better. We have been studying Jesus's upbringing, and Beth wrote that she wonders what kind of sibling rivalries Jesus had with His many siblings. Just reading that made me feel immensely better. While my brother and I are still probably going to fight, those words encouraged me to continue to reach out to my brother and not react when he makes me angry.

On a much lighter note... The bathroom in my dorm is frequently out of something (soap, paper towels, toilet paper) and it's even more common for us to run out on the weekends. One weekend, we ran out of paper towels, another we were out of soap,. I guess it's just something we get used to. Almost every weekend, the first stall runs out of tp, and we just use the other two till Monday mornings when the cleaning lady comes to replace it. This weekend, the first stall was out by Friday night, and by Saturday afternoon the second stall was out. By mid-day Sunday, we were competely out of tp, and we had to have one of the guys from downstairs bring us up some from his bathroom. I'm not saying that we use the bathroom or not, there are 16 of us and the cleaning lady has a bad habit of only putting one half-roll into each of the stalls. I got a slight chuckle out of it, but I knew it was coming and I wasn't one of the poor souls that found out the hard way...

The weather was beautiful this weekend, and I actually did my homework outside at the campus lake. It was peacefull without the ducks that will soon be there again. My friend Brian took this picture of us studying/napping. The beautiful blue sky really made up for the dead grass :)

Catching Up on Life Here

It's been quite a week since my last post. Friday was girl's night, so we ate a bunch of junk food and watched a chick flick. It was fun to be able to hang out just girls for a little while. It didn't last all night, because the boys came up to apologize for some fairly harmless pranking. Then, they helped clean Callie's room, because it was a little dusty. They were up here a little late, because there was a considerable amount of cleaning that needed to be done...
I slept in a little on Saturday, because I knew I would be up late that night. At 2 on Saturday, I left for the school's ski trip. We went to Appalachian Ski Mountain and did the night skiing there! It was so much fun to be able to ski again, because it's been a year or so since I last went with my family. Brian had a few run ins with inanimate objects....like a tree and a snow blower....but we all greatly enjoyed ourselves!
Sunday was pretty normal. I woke up at 10 and got a text from Callie, because she wanted to dry her hair in my room so she wouldn't wake up her roommate. She came in and told me that her boyfriend had surprised her and was in her room at that time. He had gotten up really early and drove to school so that he could go to church with us. We all went to Elevation as usual and went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant on the way home. After that, I came back to school and was going to start on my homework, but i got distracted (as usual) and didn't get around to it till about 11. Jessie came to my room sometime in the early afternoon and said that she was going to go to a Bible study that night, and had heard that it was going to be good. I told her that I would go with her, and found out that it was Beth Moore study when I got there! I was so excited because my mom raves about how wonderful her studies are. It has been really good so far, and I've been able to keep up with the homework for each day. I think it has already brought new life to my walk, and I can't wait to continue in the study!
Monday definitely felt like a Monday. I woke up a little late and almost was late to my first test of the semester, which would have been really bad! It was a calculus test and i wasn't nervous about it going in, but i was a little worried after i started taking it. I finished a little early and took a nap before lunch. The rest of my day was fairly normal, until our hall meeting that night. Apparently, the people that live in my building are held responsible for anything that goes wrong anywhere in the building, including the lobby and offices. They didn't blame anyone on my hall, they just told us that they wanted us to let them know if we knew any information regarding the vandalism that had happened the week before. After that, I pretty much stayed in my room and did most of the homework that I should have done over the weekend.
Tuesday was fairly busy, I worked on my homework some more, because I didn't have any classes till 1:30. We had a quiz in Spanish, but the professor looked them over and decided that she would let us do corrections on them before grading them. After dinner, I had to go to a film for my history class. It showed some graphic scenes including an Aztec sacrifice that I found particularly disgusting. Eventually, I'll have to write a paper on it, we'll see how that turns out... Not long after the movie, I had a FLY meeting. We didn't do much, just were given a few announcements and then we played some games from our childhood like Hungry Hungry Hippos, Chutes and Ladders, Ants in the Pants, and others. It was a little bit of a flashback, but a lot of fun.
Today (Wednesday) was a pretty good day. I got my Calculus test back and I had gotten an A! I was kinda surprised because i was unsure with several of my answers. I had a Psychology test after lunch, so i had a little while to do some studying for that. It was multiple choice, so hopefully I did ok. I fixed my Spanish quiz as much as i could, and the professor actually took them up today. After Spanish, i was in the mood to work out, and i had enough time before dinner to go, so Jessie and i went to go relieve a little bit of stress. We had an all girls dinner, which was nice. After dinner, I went to a Lyceum. It was a motivational speaker named Sean Stephenson who spoke about getting off our "buts" and stop giving excuses. it was a really good presentation, and the hour I spent listening to him flew by. After it was over, I went and helped Brian with some of his homework, and went to Breathe to hear one of my friends speak. He did a really good job, and I am really glad that I heard what he had to say.
Tomorrow should be interesting. I have class from 1:30 to 4 and a Spanish review after that. I'm not sure why the teacher feels like we can't review in class, but she decided that we needed an extra hour to review for our test Friday. After that, I have another Lyceum to go to that I get extra credit for. It will most likely be boring compared to the one tonight, but I can't complain about getting extra points in two of my classes! On to tomorrow...

New Favorite

I must say, I absolutely love being able to turn on my itunes on shuffle and listen to it while I sit at my computer. Today I was in the mood for some Shane & Shane, so I switched it on. Not only did it remind me of the many times that I sang that particular song over Christmas break with my friends, but i truly love the song. Not just the words, but their voices, the way it makes me feel, and especially when they beat on their guitars. I just love the song! Here it is:


Name Sake

I come to seek Your face
Holy Spirit won't You fall on us
Speak wisdom to Your people, Your saints
Fill us with the knowledge of You
Fill us with the knowledge of You

Overwhelm our hearts
Overwhelm this place
With the passion for Your name
I need Your tender mercies
Holy Spirit won't you make a change
For Your name's sake

I just love whole song, look it up, because plain lyrics don't do it justice!

Coming Home

As i was checking e-mail and facebook tonight, I turned the shuffle on my itunes as i usually do. I came across a song that was played at Elevation last Sunday. I got home from church and immediately downloaded it, because it was a song that I had heard before on the radio and it really meant something to me, but i couldn't put my finger on it. As it played tonight, it brought tears to my eyes as i realized what Pastor Steven's message, Shut Up and Come Home, really meant. I'm not sure why it took me so long to understand, but God used that simple secular song to mean something to lil' old me. Something in me has seemed to be a little different since i first moved in to Wingate. I didn't become an extremely bad person or anything, but i kept my faith to myself. I'm not sure whether i was afraid of how other people would view me or i just needed to drift so i could let God come scoop me up. I was basically a lighthouse without a bulb, just standing there and didn't serve any real purpose, just a circular pile of bricks. Well I'm done with all that, I'm COMING HOME and i don't care how people view me. They don't really matter after all, it's more important that i pursue God and his purpose for my life.

Ironically, the song that came next was by The Newsboys and contains what i think is one of my favorite words from the Bible: Selah. It's a word that David frequently used in Psalm at the end of his songs. It means 'pause and reflect,' and reminds me of who i was in high school. At Core we talked about Selah and the meaning behind it, and started the practice of ending all our prayers of it. I had forgotten about it till that song started playing and the word immediately stood out.

None of it really makes sense, and it's rather ironic that God gave me hints when i got to my house in Greensboro, but all that matters is that when i step back on campus on Monday, I'm going to make a point to follow God no matter what people think of me. My Heavenly Father has been waiting, he found me, and I'm finally coming home!

The Little Things

I can already tell it's going to be a long week. It's only Monday, but it feels like it should be Thursday! Today wasn't extremely eventful, i went to class, took a nap, ate lunch, did homework, pretty normal stuff. I did have one thing today that really made me smile. I always go check my mail after lunch, and usually there is nothing there, but today, i found this:



It's quite a sweet gesture, but it's 5 months early! Its highly possible that i put my birthday down wrong when i filled out my visitor information the first day i went. Or, my handwriting was messy because i filled it out quickly. Whatever the reason, i got a birthday wish over 5 months before my birthday, and it was just about the highlight of my day! I miss my church at home, but I've come to the realization that i can't compare it to Elevation, because they are completely different. I don't have my family or the kids in the nursery that i came to know so well now, but the sermons mean so much more to me, and they send out birthday postcards! I started out looking for a church where i felt at home, but there isn't another Westover because it's the people that are missing and Elevation is a wonderful church and i have new people that i go with. I have a new church home, it just didn't come about the way I figured it would. God works in mysterious ways, and I love him all the more for his little surprises!